dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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