Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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