So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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