paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
