Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
