Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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