i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
