ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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