I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
