just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
