I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
