Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
