Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
