my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
