I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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