Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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