Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize