yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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