I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
