does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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