my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
