I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
