It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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