Screwed.edu
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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