Im at strip club and am horny
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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