She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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