is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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