i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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