SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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