You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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