I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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