So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize