So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
