he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
