Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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