ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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