dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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