When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
