My first STD was from a foam party
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
