Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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