the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
