This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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