last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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