not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
