Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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