I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
