You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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