somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
