I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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