Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
