Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
