babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
