White coat. Heels.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
