I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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