Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
