And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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