dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
