You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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