at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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