I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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