Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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