If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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