Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
