i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
