how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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