I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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