I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
